Alive
by emily.down
Summary: Lavender goes in search of Seamus after the battle ends. R&R


"Where the hell is he?" Dean asked, his smile breaking in half.

"We're still looking, but no sign so far. He's trapped somewhere," Neville said, wiping the constant sweat that was forming under his brow.

"I'll go search for him myself," Dean said, getting up from his chair.

"No, you rest, we'll find him soon..." Neville said, pushing him down again.

"We're all bloody tired and half-dead. He's my best mate, I have to find him," Dean argued.

"I know, but he can't be far away, Dean. And we've won. He's in no danger," Neville said, grinning despite himself.

"I need to find him," Dean insisted, moving past him.

Lavender, who had been listening to the entire conversation, was placing bandages over Parvati's wounded leg. Her own palm was wound with a scarf.

She could barely keep her eyes open from the exhaustion, but she was extremely happy, just like everyone else in the Great Hall.

"Thanks, Lav, I think that's enough," Parvati said, hugging her briefly. "Oh, I am so happy to be alive!"

"I know, we were so close to death," Lavender said, staring at the white bandage which was becoming red.

"And we faced it head on. We're pretty heroic, that we are," Parvati said, laughing out loud. She instantly squeezed her eyes. "Ouch, laughing hurts."

Lavender got up and straightened her back.

Seamus was missing.

Maybe she would go join the search, after all.

* * *

><p>It was an odd sight, watching people go up and down across the school, cleaning up the debris, trying to make some small repairs here and there, searching for students stuck under weights, all the while singing or laughing happily as they moved through a land of destruction.<p>

It was still beautiful, still majestic.

And there was a great party in the Great Hall. The house-elves had brought food and water. And even the ghosts were making musical sounds, awful as they were.

Saint Mungo was bringing in supplies and mediwizards. The Ministry had yet to make an appearance, but that was understandable.

The fires weren't all put out yet and they looked like great big tongues of fire, licking the castle walls, leaving behind a black trace.

Hagrid's Hut was still slightly red.

There were students standing by the Black Lake, trying to help the sea creatures. They had been catapulted on the banks and they were quickly dying.

Lavender passed by a group of children carrying a dead merman. His eyes were green and deep, but muddy.

She quickened her pace and pressed her hand over her palm, trying to make the sting go away.

She wasn't thinking about it though. She did it unconsciously.

From time to time, she called out his name.

"Seamus!"

Her small voice could barely carry any resonance, but she hoped he would hear her either way.

She had a feeling he was not in the castle. The last time she had seen him, he had been running towards the Green Houses, where a bunch of Fourth Years had been trapped by some Death Eaters.

"Seamus! Are you there? Answer me, Seamus!"

She hadn't really given much thought to what would happen if they did not find him, or if they found him dead. The first was very improbable, but the latter...

She was incapable of thinking about more death under the current circumstances.

They had won and the sheer victory, the pure, unaltered happiness coursing through them prevented any notions of defeat.

I mean, they had won against the Dark Lord! No one else would have to die! They were finally free!

Why was there need for an aftermath?

Only one of the three Green Houses was still standing.

She crouched down and walked on all fours through the fallen slivers of glass, bits of wood, twisted wire, Mimbulus Mimbletonia, vines and thorns.

The sharp edges of the window frames stuck out like monstrous teeth.

She bent down even further, until her cheek touched the warm earth underneath her.

It felt as if the ground had a pulse. It was deafening.

She tried looking up. She couldn't see any real sky. Only smoke and blaring lights.

"Seamus!" she yelled, pulling her leg roughly when her trousers caught on several thorns.

* * *

><p>"Has anyone found him yet?" Dean asked when he encountered Ron and Hermione on one of the corridors.<p>

"Who are you talking about?"Ron asked confused. "Most people are in the Great Hall."

"Seamus is not. We've been searching for almost an hour now and no trace of him," Dean said, smiling bitterly.

"Oh, mate...that's...he'll show up eventually. People are still trapped in classrooms and passages, he's bound to be here," Ron encouraged him, patting him on the shoulder.

Dean lowered his head in pain. "I'm being ridiculous, I know...we're all so happy...it's just that, we fought together..."

"Dean, you have every right to be upset. We'll help you look," Hermione offered, squeezing his hand.

Half an hour later, the three of them, joined now by Colin Creevy and Katie Bell, ran into Parvati, who was walking around aimlessly, calling out different names.

"Good Merlin, why can't we all stick together for once? We need to bloody count everyone up like in kindergarten!" she exclaimed in frustration.

"Any news, Parvati?" Dean asked hopefully.

"No, everyone's still looking. And to make matters worse, I can't find Lavender."

"Lavender? Where's she gone? She was in the Great Hall..."

"Yes, she was helping me with my bandages and then she went off on her own and now we can't find her."

"That's it. We need to make an official call for everyone to gather in the castle so we can make sure we have everyone with us," Hermione said in her usual Prefect tone.

Everyone agreed.

* * *

><p>Lavender crawled further under the collapsing Green House, removing any dangerous object with her wand.<p>

"Seamus!"

She heard a stirring sound somewhere on her left. As if someone had moved through a layer of leaves.

"Seamus, I'm coming!"

She heard another distinct sound. Earth being thrown over something solid.

You have to imagine the stale air and the cool brushes of wind and the absolute mess that threatened to fall over her to really wonder why she had attempted exploring this place.

There was so much dirt on her face that her eyes started watering. They stung even more than her palm.

As she travelled further, she found places here and there where she could stand on her knees and raise herself up.

That is how she found several giant plant pots cracked in half and fallen over each other like crushed pumpkins.

The robust pink petals and leaves of the large carnivorous plants hid what she assumed was the lining of a body.

It all looked a bit too poetic, like an image cut out of a dark fairytale.

She took out her wand and Levitated the plants aside, dropping them in a faraway corner unceremoniously.

She dragged her feet quickly towards the black form lying underneath a particularly heavy heap of ceramic pieces.

"Seamus! I'm here!"

She recognized his red shock of hair, sprouting up like poppies.

His eyes were half-closed, as he struggled almost helplessly against the burden on his torso.

He was covered in soot and earth and he smelt of burnt wood. His white teeth sparkled with a sickening intensity in this dark corner.

She half-magically, half-single-handedly pulled off all the heavy pieces and let them fall around her in disgrace.

Cobblestone and ash glided down his clothes as he slowly shifted towards her.

He was suddenly free from all that weight and he couldn't believe it.

He inhaled deeply, not really smelling anything in particular.

Lavender crouched over him in despair. He was alive, she knew that, she saw it. But he looked terrible and he probably had several crushed bones.

But no, that was not what gave her that cold, senseless feeling.

His eyes were so bare, so out of luck and hope, so grateful and yet so lifeless, as if he was slowly trying to give up living.

"L-Lavender," he croaked softly.

She knelt before him and carefully cradled his head and shoulders in her arms.

"Yes, it's all right, you're all right," she said, trying to stop her trembling.

"Please, don't," he said hoarsely. "Please don't tell me what happened. I don't want to – it can't be good. It can't be..."

His eyes shut in pain.

She pressed his face into her stomach and hugged him tightly.

"I'll get you out of here and then we'll have them heal you. I promise," she said.

"I just...I want to stay here for a while...and not have to move..."

"I know."

"I'm so tired, Lav...but I need to get up and help them...the children, they were here..."

"They're safe," she said, staring at his face. "You don't need to worry about them anymore."

"Don't tell me that," he said, louder than intended. "Don't tell me not to worry. I need to. I feel like shit."

Lavender let him go slightly.

"I'll try to see if you have any broken bones," she said shakily, casting a spell over his body.

"Stop it, Lavender. Just stop it. Let me be..."

"Can't. Won't, actually. We all feel like shit," she muttered, brushing the hair out of his eyes softly.

"Don't waste your magic on me. We have to find a hiding spot and get back to the castle," he said, trying to get up on his elbows.

"A broken rib, your left arm is broken too, couple of fractures here and there, but...it will be okay," she mumbled, her voice high and small.

"At least I can walk. I just have to...I have to get up first," he said, placing his right arm over her shoulder for support.

She quickly put one arm around his waist to lift him up.

His broken arm fell slowly in her lap.

Their faces were inches away now. They were both mirrors of the same crestfallen expression.

Seamus was looking at Lavender for the first time and so was Lavender at Seamus.

They had never seen each other before, not really. They had known each other for so long and had been in each other's company so many times, had studied and laughed together, had played chess, talked about trivial things, eaten in the Great Hall, stood close to each other in class, been Potions partners once or twice, shared the same compartment five years in a row. Their faces had become traceable maps, ordinary figures which one missed after several viewings.

The discovery was almost shocking, especially now.

It was a bit silly, they both thought, how they had missed the geography of their faces.

The feeling of despair overcame the both of them once again.

"Lav – is Harry alive? Please, just tell me that."

Lavender suddenly burst into a metallic laughter. She took his chin in her hand and shook his head.

"He did it, Seamus. He killed him. We won."

Seamus blinked in astonishment.

"We won," she repeated, tears welling in her eyes again. "We did it."

He forced himself to swallow the cold saliva in his mouth. He couldn't – not yet. He was shocked, because waves and waves of relief crashed into him with staggering speed. His eyes widened in disbelief. The electricity crackled through him like a lit fuse. He was beaming from the inside.

The unparalleled feeling of being able to die right now and right here because your life had meaning now, you'd made it have purpose, you'd done _something_. And it had _worked_.

You had _won_.

"You...you aren't lying?" he asked, feeling completely elated and bereft at the same time. "You aren't trying to get my hopes up?"

"Idiot!" she exclaimed, rolling her eyes, "why would I be that cruel as to lie about Harry bloody Potter?"

Seamus laughed groggily, his voice as rough and undulating as the cold heat spreading around them, in the dark corner of a faraway Green House.

"I wouldn't put it past you," he mumbled, sighing happily in her shoulder.

"We've won, Seamus, and I can't really believe it myself either, but I'm starting to, slowly," she confessed.

"I'm so bloody tired. And yet I know I won't be able to sleep for _days_," he said, lifting his eyes towards hers.

"They won't even let you. There's a big party going on in the Great Hall," she informed him.

"The wankers, having fun without me," he said, grinning bloody teeth.

Her laughter tickled his skin pleasantly.

"They're actually looking for you. Dean is really worried."

"I imagine he would be. Is he all right...? Is everyone all right?"

"He's fine, most of us are alive, not exactly in one piece, but at least we have a pulse. Some of us...weren't so lucky, though," she said, her breath hitching in her throat.

"Don't tell me yet. I may be a coward and a giant asshole, but I don't want to hear it yet. I want to keep feeling this for a while. Relief," he spoke, his fingers pressing into her shoulder.

Lavender almost unconsciously hid her scarf-wound hand in the folds of her trousers.

"I know. Me too. I don't want to think about death. Not anymore," she said, clenching her hand into a fist.

She gripped too tightly and the sting became more pronounced.

She yelped in pain and opened her palm again.

Seamus looked down at what she was trying so ineffectively to hide.

He let Lavender carry his weight as his good hand travelled slowly towards hers.

He lifted her arm and she didn't hold any resistance, because the sting was becoming increasingly more unbearable and she felt like tearing her skin off. He saw the bright green scarf wrapped around her palm.

"What's that, Lav?"

"Just a nasty cut, that's all," she said, clenching and unclenching her fingers in pain.

"It seems a lot worse. How deep is it?"

She looked down at it and didn't answer. She herself did not know. But what she knew was enough.

He easily pulled the scarf across her wrist and looked down at the bruise.

It bore the marking of teeth. Sharp, bloodied teeth had left several holes in her skin. A palm mangled by a beast.

"Did...did an animal bite you?" he asked, trying to keep calm.

"Something like that. Let's not think about this stuff anymore. Relief, remember?" she said, clenching her fingers again.

His fingers traced the bite with something akin to foreboding.

"What kind of animal?"

"A dog," she lied.

"No...I've been bitten by dogs. This is no dog. Did you see it, at least?" he asked.

Lavender bowed her head. She might as well tell someone. She hadn't been able to speak to anyone about it. She had hid it immediately after it happened and had focused on keeping alive and covering for safety.

She hadn't had time to come to grips with it.

And when they had won and everyone had been so effortlessly happy and had cried tears of joy, she had cried with them, because one ugly bite couldn't possibly ruin the bliss.

"Lavender, are you...are you with me?"

"Fenrir," she said softly.

"What?"

"Fenrir Greyback. The werewolf, remember?"

He opened his mouth in shock. His lower lip started trembling in white fury.

"How? When? How was it possible?" he asked anxiously.

"Some hours ago, I believe. It feels so far away. I fell from a balcony...and he was there. Waiting," she spoke quietly.

Seamus shut his eyes in guilt.

"Damn it, where _were_ we? Why couldn't we stop it?"

"Hermione did. She blasted him away from me. She saved my life. She's wonderful like that..." Lavender said, chuckling to herself.

"I should've been there..."

"Why? We were in the middle of battle. You couldn't just stop and take care of me. We all had to be strong and fend for ourselves."

"No, Lav...I should have been there. There's no excuse for me or for anyone else."

"Seamus, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. The only one to blame is...him."

"I should have been there," he repeated adamantly. "I should have killed him. He shouldn't be alive after what he did. I think you know what this means, you can't turn back – you'll be..."

"A werewolf, I know. I'll be a werewolf," she said it for the first time out loud.

"Oh God. I'm so sorry, Lavender. I – If I could go back in time, God, I'm so sorry," he said, pulling her towards him in a tight embrace.

"It's all right. I'll be all right. It's not so bad..."

"I'm _so_ sorry - "

"I'm alive, Seamus. I'm still living. Everyone is safe, Voldemort is gone and I found you and I'm happy. That's what matters," she said through tears.

Seamus didn't know what to say.

He looked down at her weak hand and then up into her strong, vibrant eyes and felt he couldn't distinguish what he was feeling. It wasn't pity.

It was as if he was moving, but he was standing still. And the feelings were running into him, one by one. And the most distinctive one was affection.

He grabbed her face and pulled her into a kiss.

It was an impulse. Something he had been meaning to do since the moment he saw her standing above him with her wand in her hand and her green scarf wrapped around the other.

The first urge to do it had been a reaction to his revival. Air breaking the surface. He was in one piece and breathing and a beautiful, albeit bruised girl, was standing before him with blazing eyes.

The second urge had been about her undefeated strength and his affection.

Maybe it was awful timing; kissing her on the eve of such terrible news. Maybe it was selfish and desperate. But they had won and she had said it best, they were alive and that is all that mattered.

And maybe he wanted it to be now, after finding out she was going to turn into a werewolf.

He didn't want her to think for one second he would abandon her. He would accept her fully. And he would prove it to her.

But whatever he had intended to feel and think, and whatever honest or made-up reasons had made him act, they all vanished when their lips crashed.

It was like he was dangling from a precipice, ready to be swollen inside and the strange part was that he wanted to collapse, to fall down on her and cover her body with his own, so they could hide in this moment.

Passion reverberated through her as well as she pressed the bitten hand on his cheek and pulled him closer. Her entire being had awakened and instead of drawing away, she stubbornly stood over the precipice as well.

His good hand snaked around her neck, finding its way into her wet hair. He locked his fingers around her curls and gripped them tightly.

Her wounded palm grazed his skin so pleasantly that he deepened the kiss, diving into her mouth until he could feel the end of her.

They heard voices in the distance. McGonagall and Hermione calling all students inside.

They didn't move, not that they felt the need to.

Perhaps he still felt sore all over and her palm stung mercilessly and their faces were brown with dirt, but they were alive, weren't they?

It was all that mattered.


End file.
